Clean Humor and Jokes
Ways To Annoy People
Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99
Specify that your drive through order is "to go."
If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while
talking to others.
Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather
conditions "to keep them tuned up."
Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
Practice making fax and modem noises.
Highlight irrelevant information on scientific papers and "cc"
them to your boss.
Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with
Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
Disassemble your pen and "accidently" flip the ink cartridge
across the room.
Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
Adjust the tint on your TV so all the people are green, and insist to
others that you "like it that way."
Staple papers in the middle of the page.
Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking"
Honk and wave to strangers.
Decline to be seated at a restaurant and simply eat their complimentary
mints by the cash register.
Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and re- route whole streets.
Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear
that?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now."
Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your
When nearly done, announce, "No wait, I messed it up" and
As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
Ask people what gender they are
While making a presentation, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars and see if
they slow down.
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers
in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
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