Christian Humor and Jokes

Acts 2:38 

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!"
(Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.) 

The burglar stopped in his tracks. 

The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an axe and two 38's!" 

17th Chapter of Mark 

At the end of the service the minister said "next Sunday I am going to preach on the subject of liars. And in this connection, as a preparation for my discourse, I would like you all to read the seventeenth chapter of Mark." On the following Sunday, the preacher rose to begin, and said, "Now, then, all of you who have done as I requested and read the seventeenth chapter of Mark, please raise your hands." 

Nearly every hand in the congregation went up. Then said the preacher, "You are the people I want to talk to. There is no seventeenth chapter of Mark." 

Getting Better 

A little girl was sitting next to her grandfather as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up and touch his wrinkled cheek. She touched her own cheek after she touched his.

After a little while of thinking she asked, "Grandpa, did God make  you?" He looked at her and said, "Yes, sweetheart God made me a long time ago."

She paused for a few seconds and then asked, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"  He replied, "Yes, indeed pumpkin, God made you just a little while ago."  

Feeling their respective faces again, she whispered to him, "God's getting better at it, isn't he?"

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